Transcendental Transition

20 years old, junior in college, majoring in psychology, broke but happy.

At the moment, this is who I am. Two years ago I was enrolling at a local community college and I remember being so annoyed with it all. I hated the idea of going through more schooling, having homework, bearing more responsibilities, and juggling a job on top of it all. I realize now I was so angry because I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I forced myself to go to school for everyone else but myself. I wanted to receive praise from the people that meant the most to me because then I would be “worthy enough”. I didn’t do it to better myself or my future, I didn’t do it to expand my knowledge, and I didn’t do it to meet new people.

Now, four days away from starting my first semester at a University, I am calm and accepting of these transitions. I honestly believe I’ll look back on all of these memories, good and bad, and realize that they were the happiest moments of my life. I don’t need approval, I don’t need to be “accepted” by everyone, and I don’t need praise to feel like I’m enough for anyone or anything.

I notice that every single semester I start out with a negative attitude (some of which you have probably witnessed) because I worry about finances, homework, class sizes, schedules, mean professors, completing tasks on time, and getting good grades. I’m a worrier and I always have been. I still have a LOT to work on as I make these transitions but I can say comfortably, without a doubt, I’m doing it for all the right reasons.

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed

[…]

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
’cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

[…]

I’m young and I’m underpaid
I’m tired but I’m working
I care but I’m restless
I’m here but I’m really gone

[…]

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
’cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

[…]

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
’cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine

One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists.

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